Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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