Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
