i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
