he wants to bone in the snuggie
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
