if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
