Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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