Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
