I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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