you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
