Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
