I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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