Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
