Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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