I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
