It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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