I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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