Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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