planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
