all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
