the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Princesses don't give blow jobs
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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