Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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