i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
