Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
