Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
