dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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