Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
