you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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