well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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