Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
