The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
