Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
