Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
