I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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