dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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