I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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