how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
