I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
