So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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