Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
party gras won. party gras always wins.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
