yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
