WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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