if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
