pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I would ride that face into the sunset
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
