I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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