walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
