I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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