hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
