You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
