Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
