Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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