Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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